Just a Normal Night
by Glittery-excuse-for-a Fae
Summary: John's home from work, and he finds the head dripping onto the defrosting chicken, and a flatmate with windburn, Wait windburn? Then again thats just a normal night when you live with Sherlock Homes  Just a little fill fro those waiting for chapter 16


John stomped up the seventeen stairs to 221b Baker Street, he was wet, not to mention cold it was raining outside and he stupidly had not taken a waterproof jacket out with him.

the moment he opened the door his flatmates voice drifted to him from the Sofa

"I did tell you John, please try not to drip over the kitchen table I'm currently working on a very delicate experiment and your soggy jacket could ruin it entirely"

"I got milk" was Johns answer. he had already entered the kitchen and seen the so called experiment on the table, it was more of a mess than an experiment but he avoided it, wondering in a distracted way when the last time the kitchen table had been experiment free, he found he couldn't remember.

Opening the fridge he was meet with a severed head. "Still not finished your research on the coagulation of saliva after death then?" He shouted to Sherlock.

"Yes I did"

"So what's he doing in here then, blood coagulation after death?"

"No I wanted to see how soon the tongue stops swelling after death"

"Oh, yeah of course!" John said lifting his hands up in exasperation "Could you not maybe get anther fridge then?"

"Why?"

"Because..." began John watching with a sort of morbid fascination as some slimy liquid fell onto the shelf below the head "Your head is dripping onto the chicken I took out to defrost!"

"Oh" Sherlock replied in a bored tone.

"Bloody Hell Sherlock I'd rather not die from salmonella, if i did that you'd probably dissect me to find the bacterium and begin a study on that!" John replied a little annoyed.

"Salmonella's boring" Sherlock replied.

"Right fine!" John said exhaling through his nose trying to calm himself down, He put the two cartons of milk he had got in the fridge and looked at the chicken pieces on the shelf below the head, they had a sort of opaque mucus on them and John decided he really didn't want risk it, so with a sigh he threw the chicken pieces into the bin.

"Tea?" Sherlock called hopefully.

"Are you making?" John shot back.

"Well I..." began Sherlock from the sofa

"That's a no then." John replied before sticking the kettle on.

"Sherlock why is My mobile in the toaster?"

"I got bored"

"well you can get un-bored now and get it out"

John heard Sherlock huff in annoyance and watched his flatmate walk rather unsteadily to the kitchen.

"What happened to you?"

"I was bored." was Sherlock's reply, John took a look at his flatmate his face was red, as if it had been sun burnt.

"Do I want to know how you managed to get windburn or why, or should I just chalk it up to one of those many things l never need to know, ever."

"Well as I told you John I was bored, but seeing as it seems that information is not sufficient for you I will explain in words easy enough for you to understand." Sherlock huffed.

John rolled his eyes. "Go on" he replied getting another clean cup, one of few that Sherlock hadn't decided to use for something other than hot beverages.

"Well I wanted to test how long one could stand in the cold without any adverse affects,"

"I'm with you so far"

"But on our last case if you remember rightly no-one noticed the victim for almost two weeks, correct?"

"Yes." John said already hating where this was going.

"Well they were hung upside down by a rope attached to their legs for a long time, so in those two weeks they were subjected to all sorts of weather."

"Yes." John said again, realising that he had been holding the kettle in a white knuckled grip for quite sometime.

"Do pour the water into the cups before it goes cold John, honestly... Anyway i decided to test which injuries had been inflicted after death and which before."

"but we solved the case Sherlock" John replied trying not to look a the mucus dripping off the head as he reached for the milk in the fridge.

Sherlock waved a hand and continued to talk. "Yes I know we solved it, but i couldn't distinguish which injuries had been inflicted before the victim died of malnourishment and which after, bar the obvious, so I decided to experiment"

"On yourself?"

"You were elsewhere" Sherlock replied accusingly. John took his tea and walked into the living-room and sat down in the wingback armchair motioning for the consulting detective to sit down.

"I was at work Sherlock, you know that thing that normal people do to earn money, where they work from nine in the morning until five, sometimes six if they do overtime, and then seeing as we had no milk i thought i'd better nip to the shop seeing as you never bother." John said trying to keep his temper under control.

"Work, boring" Sherlock scoffed slouching in a rather elegant manner on the sofa. "shops ergh" he made a face and John almost laughed at how childish Sherlock looked.

"Work is not boring Sherlock, and Sopping is necessary if you want to keep up to date with your tea addiction.

"BORING!" Sherlock yelled, the last time Sherlock had yelled in that particular tone he had been shooting at he wall, John was a little worried about where exactly his browning was, as it had disappeared a few days ago.

"Oh for..." John began rubbing his face to try and eleviate the stress that had suddenly built up around his temples.

"How did you get wind burn on your face Sherlock?" he said in a hollow tone already suspecting he knew the answer.

"Its simple really John, you just don't think properly"

"Obviously not." was Johns sarcastic answer. "Please enlighten me" He finished, he was tired and now only slightly damp and he was in no mood to be made an object of derision.

"Well i had to use your room, my window isn't big enough..."

"You used my window... for what exactly?" John asked wondering about what state his normally orderly bedroom would be n after an encounter with Sherlock Bloody Holmes.

"Oh John, don't look so worried, I didn't touch anything, mind you we need to get you a new mattress, that one is a bit uncomfortable, anyway i hung upside-down out of your window" Sherlock replied as if he was explaining to a toddler that one and one equal two.

"You what?" John shouted.

"Now don't sound so alarmed I was perfectly safe"

"Oh I see you just happened to find a safety harness in my room and strap it to the light fitting did you?"

"Don't be silly John, although that might have been a better option, do you have a safety harness lying about anywhere"

"Of course I bloody don't Sherlock!" John yelled.

Oh well anyway I was really quite safe, I had my legs hooked over the windowsill, i wasn't going to go anywhere."

"Of course not, whatever was I thinking, you were as safe as houses!" John replied sarcastically.

"Well admittedly there was a small risk that my knees would loose their grip and I would go plummeting three storeys down to my demise, but as I have just mentioned it was a small risk" Sherlock said trying to placate John.

John realised he had been holding his mug of tea for quite some time without actually drinking from it, so he took a gulp, and noted that it was a lot less hot than it had been and cursed Sherlock in his head.

"Sherlock in future if you want to do something like that let me know, so that if I do find you splattered over the pavement I'll know not to worry." he said flippantly.

Sherlock smirked.

"So Thai or Indian then?" he asked John.


End file.
